And the award for longest post title goes to….ME. Winning.
Big problem guys- it’s becoming harder and harder for me to remember to zip my pants before leaving the house. Don’t ask me how that's possible, but it is. Every single day this week I’ve gotten halfway through the morning and looked down only to find that my fly has been on display for the entire office to see. You’re welcome, friends/co-workers.
I don't watch the news. I know I should, I really do. I even tried to start getting ready in the morning and just have the news playing in the background but it just really bums me out and makes me want to chain lock the doors, adopt a puppy, or punch that blonde anchor bitch in the throat.
None of those are positive things, y'all.
|Yeah, that girl. I don't care for her.|
So because I do not watch the news, my only source of current events are my bi-weekly calls from my Mimi, which usually go like this...
Naaaatalie, did you hear that a man carjacked a woman at the 7-11 across the street from you?
Nope, Mimi, didn't hear that.
Well he did. So don't get gas there anymore.
Also your mother told me you sneezed yesterday.
Yeah, Mimi that's probably true.
Did you not get your flu shot?
No, Mimi, didn't get the flu shot.
Well, don't come crying to me when you get the flu.
Thanks for the support, Mimi.
Also there was an earthquake in Indonesia, a drug bust next door, and don't forget to check your tire pressure.
Okay love you too Mimi. Byeee!
That conversation is almost 100% accurate. But if Mimi forgets to call, (which let's face it she's a very busy woman and sometimes that happens) I usually turn to Yahoo.
|Yahoo, you're the best.|
This evening I’d like to discuss some of the hard hitting news stories that Yahoo has recently brought to my attention:
ABOUT FREAKING TIME.
I’ve been begging for this since Jr high, when all the preteen boys would come out of the locker room with a thick cloud of axe/bo combo hovering over head. Let's hope this ban catches on. Also, Axe, if they decide to completely outlaw you that would be okay with me too. Just sayin'.
THANK. YOU. JESUS. Really. Thank you.
So, Kate. You say you're pregnant? PROVE IT.
Because your baby bump looks an awful lot like my cheeseburger bump.
|Six months along? Are they for real??|
Is it irrational of me to want Kate Middleton to post weekly prego updates? Maybe on her facebook page?Just tell me what you're craving. I don’t feel like that’s asking a lot. I mean, I woke up at 3am to watch her wedding, so it’s the least she can do. Just show me the bump already your highness. But in all seriousness I love you. So much. Call me.
He’s terminally ill, and has a brain tumor that won't even allow him to drive a car anymore, but the man pushed his daughter the entire 26.2 miles of the Gusher Marathon- and won. With a ridiculously fast time of 3:07:35. This is such a great story and just gives me all the warm and fuzzy feelings. Running is the best, and this is just such an inspiring story. Also, note that his daughter is six, not two. Six year olds are heavy. That makes him even more awesome.
I'm sure that you were all wondering when I was going to get around to the pop-tart I alluded to earlier. Well lucky for you it's happening right now.
Last Sunday when I made my weekly trip to Trader Joe's, the lovely sample-hander-outer-man forced a warm organic "toaster pastry" down my throat. He did y'all, he really did. Also it had cream cheese on top of it.
So I bought a box.
Really, how did you think that story was going to end?
They are so delicious which means I can never ever again buy another box because if I remember correctly pop-tarts are what caused my freshman 20 in the first place. Well, pop-tarts and pizza rolls. Not kidding. Ask my roommates.
In running news, tonight I did my four miles on the treadmill because it was windy and Parenthood Season 2 was calling my name. I did the entire four miles at an 8:26 pace on a 1.5% incline. I'm hoping to come in at under 53 minutes in the Lonestar 10k this weekend, and I felt good on this run, so we'll see!